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Monday, January 11, 2010

Hypothesis...

"I won, I won, I won!" As it turns out my friends, my hypothesis proved to be correct yielding nothing less than surprisingly spectacular results. We should all be so excited! The implications of these results will no doubt improve the lives of millions! Maybe I'll be awarded the Nobel Peace prize like Obama and win a million dollars, or perhaps, even grander, something terrific like a bowling alley!

Ok, I know you all are clambering to know not only what I'm referring to but whether you're invited to the grand opening of "Gutter Balls?" "Be cool my babies!" The answer is yes you will! So before I tell you how these wondrous results equal a better quality of life for you, I think it prudent for me to first explain its origin so you too can "get like me!"

You see, It all started as I arose a recent morning to a fresh 3 inches of snow on the ground and reports of no school. Having full recollection of our prior snow day, previously documented in the Chronicle entitled "Entertainment," the children seemingly had no issues with waking up at their normal time of 5:20 no less than jovial! Because those jovial feelings aren't shared when it's a school day, it was my intention to take action and reverse the trend and transfer these jovial feelings to me. In layman's terms, "I was finny flip the script and make no mention of the snow and treat it like a school day." It was my hope that they'd sleep in hours longer than normal.

As parents, I'm sure you understand that normal school days force me to dig deep into my bag of tricks in order to get them up and at em' on occasion. These tricks include, but are not limited to, dragging them out of bed, snatching the covers (affectionately referred to as the "sleeping band-aid") or subjecting them to the "cold wash cloth to the face" treatment! Try it, it's like the PG-13 version of water boarding! Nevertheless, you'd be happy to know that because my experiment proved successful, millions of parents world wide will benefit by receiving several extra hours of sleep on similar days. By following my procedures exactly, you too can experience this breakthrough!

Here it is...Step one: "Wake your kids up at 5:20 with a cold cloth in hand, just as a threat, and then asks if they would like a few more minutes. My hypothesis was that they'd thank me and drift back off into unconsciousness. Well, that they did my friends, that they most certainly did!

However, don't be fooled, that was only step one in obtaining total and uninhibited "jovial reclamation." There are three crucial steps that need to be taken to produce similar results as explained. I say be a partaker and advocate this movement and take back your sleep!

Step two...send in three easy payments of $19.95 to get step three! If you act now, I'll include a double coupon for a single corn dog at "Gutter Balls!" Also, as an added bonus yet still, I will see to it that all those that read my blog celebrate with me by congregating on lane number 2. Sorry, Obama and I will be on lane 1!

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

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