So my children are growing up! My oldest is nearly a teenager, the middle one NEEDS deodorant, and my youngest is loosing his first tooth. With him experiencing this special period in his life, I took him to see his older yet UNSURE brother for advice. "Look at your brother, he's lost plenty of teeth, I said. Now he has the uncanny ability to pop PEZ with his mouth closed - I mean that basically makes him an X-Man!" The crying continued.
It was then I realized that I was in a special period in my life as well and that I had a few things to think about. Things like, I've only got about ten years before my daughter introduces me to her first boyfriend. This as I thoroughly clean my gun at the table! The fact that I only have a few years of coolness left in the eyes of my boys, and finally that I'd better start explaining this whole "Facts of Life" thing!
Well I'm not that much of a slacker! I've already explained it to them...well attempted to anyway. I can't say it went how Dr. Phil would have hoped. You see, a while back, ole Snaggletooth asked where babies came from and I gave it to him straight! I explained the whole "Mommy-Stomach-Born-Baby" thing. It ended with him in tears...again! This time adamantly explaining in between breaths that he had no desire to be in Mommy's stomach...or to be born! "I DON'T WANT TO BE BORN AGAIN - DON'T MAKE ME BE BORN!" he exclaimed.
Now as hilarious as that was, it no doubt showcased my strong need for enhanced communication skills and possibly hindered his views on Christianity! It seems that it was all a HUGE misunderstandment and I'd confused everyone. My daughter had no clue why I fantasied of cleaning a gun at the kitchen table, my middle son had no clue as to what PEZ was, and my youngest was dumb founded as to why I needed needle nose pliers or how lethal a top rope "Macho Man" elbow could be. But trust me people, I'm me...I'll get it straight! All I need is my..."HEY! DIDN'T I TELL ONE OF YOU TO BRING ME MY PLIERS?!? WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, BRING ME MY BELT!"...Oh...All I need is my Bible! Ugh - Now why are they crying ?!?
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