Total Transformation...

So I was listening to the radio the other day and this ad went on and on about this new product called the "Total Transformation." A child behavior modification program for defiant child behavior problems like "oppositional defiance" disorder and all around disobedience. In layman's terms, a behavior system taught by some random gent that guarantees to change your kid's bad attitude in no less than six seconds!

What a concept I thought. To say the least, I was no less than intrigued! It birthed in me all kinds of marvelous thoughts. Perhaps it was simply a set of specific verbal commands that penetrated the unyielding psyche of young ones on some Jedi mind control level? The possibilities are endless! I could use it on any two year old I saw embarrassing themselves by yelling and screaming at their parents while lying prostrate in the pasta isle or, at the very least, freeze my kids right before they get into a sibling tussle! If not those abilities I thought, perhaps it was that titanium laced leather strap with custom hand grips that Santa never brought me!?! Whatever it was, why wouldn't any parent want this product for their children?!?

In an instant, as if their lives were flashing before my eyes, I began to think about the issues of our kids today, specifically my kids though. Like the time I heard one of them fail to address an adult without the preferential "no mam/sir," or the time when I swore I heard heavy footsteps up the stairs and then extra force as the door closed! Now at the risk of sounding a thousand years old...I think that the problem with kids today is that they don't have the same respect for adults anymore. A certain (how do you say...) reverence is missing. A reverence to which I personally desire from them and that had me almost picking up the phone and contemplating making a 1-800 call. Was I this desperate?!?

See, what I want is to revert back to a time where kids didn't invoke their rights to a lawyer while being questioned about who stole the cookies! A time when kids were respectful...and equally ignorant, blindly going around doing exactly what you told them to do. A time when they didn't look you in your eyes and say that they were gonna tell Grandma!

After giving it some thought though, I realized that I was given the secret a long time ago but had only failed to invoke it. See what you have to do is let them know when they're young. Young like, two seconds old young, still slippery young! What they really need is a good smack right after birth - let 'em know that no stuff will be taken! (Doctors had long prescribed to this notion but no longer perform this duty for whatever reason) Now, we're forced to do it ourselves (not recommended) or dial a 1-800 number to gain back our respect! Kids just loose to run wild in the streets, disrespecting the timeout and the street light! This is why, America, ***In my Obama voice*** that I've proposed a plan, now on the floor of the Senate, that calls for a nationwide crackdown on newborns all across this great nation of ours!

To be serious though, we as parents must do our due diligence and "train our children the way they should go," and it's gonna take more than six seconds to do it. It's long painstaking (this is gonna hurt me more than it is you) diligent work. In all reality, while there is a "Total Transformation" that needs to take place in the attitudes of our kids, the real transformation starts with us, the parents. See, what I really want is for us to go back to a time when parents disciplined their kids and didn't rely on teachers and the media! So with this, I lay two fingers on my temple, squint, and command you to transform your own thinking...and pick that two year old up out of the isle! You're embarrassing US!

To read more please be sure to purchase a copy of my soon to be published book chronicling my life as a single father. Also, feel free to donate toward its costs if you so choose by clicking the donate button @ http://chroniclesofasinglefather.blogspot.com. Thanks for taking this journey with me.

Miracles and Blessings

Tron

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